“Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?”

George Carlin

Well, you know that you’re really dredging the bottom of the barrel when all you can think of to blog about is last week’s Casualty, which I’m sure you’re not that interested in. (Preposition At End of Sentence – yes, I can grammar-spot too.) But it is a good target for sarcasm, so that’s something.

We open with an object lesson for young people everywhere: “If only I hadn’t smoked for fifty years,” from an old grandad who dies a few minutes later. The only possible explanation for this that I can think of, since it doesn’t serve any plot purpose, is to scare impressionable young people off smoking: If You Smoke, You Will Die! And the BBC says it doesn’t do product placement! I wonder if Niquitin sales have suddenly spiked…

Then we get to the proper plot, if there is such a thing in Soapland. An exhausted taxi driver crashes into some hay bales; the pregnant woman he’s ferrying to the hospital (surprise) scares off an angry bull; Pregnant Woman’s husband, a swimming coach, hurries to the hospital, causing his young pupil to hit her head and nearly drown, so she, too, has to go to the hospital. Is it just me, or does everyone who even mentions a hospital in Soapland fall suddenly, critically ill? In another, parallel storyline, a man demanding to speak to Zoe about his son’s death spontaneously collapses…proof that Holby actually causes more accidents than it saves. Anyway, don’t you just know it, the whole Pregnant Woman triangle ends up in the same room (taxi driver who is also Young Pupil’s father; Swimming Coach who is having an affair with Young Pupil; Pregnant Woman married to Swimming Coach), where Pregnant Woman promptly proceeds to have a baby. What? Hold on a minute. Why does she need to have it in Resus.? Surely they have enough time to move her up to Gynaecology or whatever? Oh, wait, I forgot another rule of Soapland: having a baby takes 5 minutes instead of 5 hours. Silly me. How did I forget?

Like I said, good target for sarcasm. It’s so unbelievably stupid.

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