The Apprentice: Stall to Shop

“It is in the nature of stars to cross.”

John Green

Yes, Constant Reader, you will be pleased to hear that The Apprentice (the corporate version of The Hunger Games, you will remember) has returned to the English Student.

Or should that be the other way around?

Anyway, having missed three episodes, I felt a little out of touch. But the “previously on The Apprentice” segment was, for the first time ever, actually useful: from it I learned that the frankly creepy Dracula Alex has been fired, as has (sad face) Lord Vetinari Jason and I-Think-His-Name-Is-Kurt (I think). So that leaves us with six candidates for the “smell what sells” task, in which the Almighty Lord Sugar asks his acolytes to “grow a business in 48 hours.”

Because that’s exactly what happens in real life.

To be honest, it was fairly clear from the start who was going to win this task. All the editing in the world could not conceal the fact that the girls’ team was on to a winner (stack ’em high, sell ’em cheap) whereas the boys were on a hiding to nothing (buy about three items and sell them for extortionate amounts), an impression only confirmed by Plucky Jordan’s use of the phrase “statement candles”. Oh dear.

Having said that, Plucky Jordan did give the Almighty a run for his money in the boardroom (despite looking as if he might throw up at any moment) during a heated discussion about his business plan. It’s always nice to see the Almighty Lord Sugar being taken down a peg or two.

On the whole, this was a fairly amusing episode, if a rather routine one (“Smell what Sells” being one of the Almighty’s favourite slogans, if only because it leads neatly into “When I was 17 I set up my own business from scratch…”). Next week, the dreaded Interviews, and a Triple Firing, which should be fun. (Probably not for the candidates involved, though.)

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