Alex Polizzi – The Fixer: Ep. 1

“No one had told me that vengeance could be so boring.”

Kate Griffin

I think I may be suffering a little from The Apprentice-withdrawal. I say this because I have no idea why else I would watch a heavily edited 60-minute filler show about a micro-brewery which is failing not so much through misfortune as through a general lack of business sense, featuring a woman who dresses purely to intimidate and has an alarming tendency to call everyone “darling”. Perhaps I just couldn’t face another episode of New Tricks.

Hunter’s Brewery, a Small Firm in Dire Financial Straits, needs the help of the Fixer, Alex Polizzi (who, I think, used to be on The Hotel Inspector) because otherwise its owner will lose his house. (They always have a sob story.) The thing is, Alex never helps anyone who’s getting on just about all right. No, it’s always the ones who are losing the house, who’ve bought equipment they can’t afford from dodgy suppliers, who are too busy darting after metaphorical butterflies to notice that they don’t have enough money to buy food for the week. Because it makes good television.

Relatively good television, I should say. It’s not a patch on Doctor Who and it certainly doesn’t require your full attention. But if you want something wittering away in the background while you check Facebook or whatever, well, it’s fine. I mean, the tension-generating withholding of information comes straight from the Simon Cowell Handbook of Reality Television, and the scenes have obviously been pre-scripted and filmed several times so it’s hard to know what to believe. It’s nowhere near as good fun as The Apprentice, either, mainly because the main players aren’t smug, unprincipled cardboard shells deliberately trying to sell each other out and failing hilariously; they’re just ordinary people who make no claims about their abilities and muddle along slightly hopelessly.

I’m not entirely sure what the point I’m trying to make here is. Possibly it is that reality television about ordinary people is generally disappointing. Possibly it is that I have far too much time on my hands. Possibly it’s simply that I won’t be watching The Fixer again. Who knows?

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